


LASER WARS

by robaca (goodlamb)



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cinnamon Roll Finn, Corgi BB-8, Crack, Dirty Millennial Rey, Emo Kylo Ren, F/M, Laser Tag, Multi, Service Dogs, Uh Veronica Mars spoilers, eventual polyamorous relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 04:04:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11267565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodlamb/pseuds/robaca
Summary: http://pebblemagic.tumblr.com/post/160103458519"why is there not a star wars modern au where the whole thing is just super melodramatic laser tag teams"





	LASER WARS

**Author's Note:**

> me? writing a Star War? it's more likely than you'd think
> 
> (also apparently they're holding Airsoft guns in those pics) (but that's boring)

“We need an activity,” Rey said, from where she was slumped into the couch and also her boyfriend’s kidney. She had pretzeled herself into a position that had one leg swung over the back of the sofa like she was about to saddle up and ride it, while also arching her back and neck into an angle that really shouldn’t be humanly possible. But if she moved, she knew she would probably have to get up and pee, so. This was fine, for now.

“We’re doing an activity,” mumbled Finn, whose back and thighs had so thoroughly melted into the couch cushion that the only evidence he had to suggest that he was not in fact made of couch was that he could still feel Rey’s bony-ass elbow jabbing him in the hip. Couches couldn’t feel pain.

“We’re rewatching season two of _Veronica Mars_ ,” she said, not taking her eyes away from where they were finally about to reveal that not only had Meg survived the bus crash…so had the _baby!_

“You love _Veronica Mars_!” Finn exclaimed.

“Of course I love _Veronica Mars_. But this is like our third time this year.”

“Skipping season three, at least,” he said, pouting.

“Yeah, obviously,” Rey said dismissively. “And I don’t mean like we need an activity right _now_ , I mean like, we need an activity in general. We need a hobby.”

Finn furrowed his brow, thinking. “You have kickboxing. I have…Smash Brothers. I feel like those are hobbies.”

“I mean a _couple_ hobby. For us to do together. As a couple.”

“Th—”

“Netflix is not a hobby.”

Finn pursed his lips. She had him there.

“So like, what?”

She shrugged, which caused enough movement to make her groan because, yeah, she really needed to get up and pee. “I don’t know,” she said, stretching as she unearthed herself from the couch, swinging over the back of it since that seemed like the path of least resistance. Finn groaned too as that motion dug a knee into his stomach. So. Bony.

Rey blinked as her eyes refocused in the otherwise dark living room, just Meg’s creepy parents popping up on the blue-lit TV. The coffee table was strewn with the plate they had microwaved their Bagel Bites on, and the spilling-over bag of pretzels that they had been dipping into cake frosting.

“We’re becoming garbage people, Finn,” she said, alarmed by this new discovery. “Finn! Garbage people!”

“Urhhh,” he said, still recovering from the knee to his liver.

“Whatever we pick, it has to be something with other human people. Outside of the house,” she said, marching off to the bathroom. “Pause it!” she called over her shoulder.

Finn went to find the remote. “Can we at least get to the episode where Xena guest stars before we go and find a new hobby?” he shouted.

“Obviously!” Rey called back.

***

“And you’re sure we can just show up?”

“That’s what an open house is, I’m pretty sure.”

Rey punched him in the shoulder as they walked up to the entrance of the arena. “Ow,” Finn said.

The building was pretty drab from the outside. Like a warehouse-sized pediatrician’s office. It didn’t help that it was squished between a Mattress Firm and the lumber yard for Home Depot.

The sun had just gone down, so the flickering neon on top (in a big thick-lettered font, surrounded by star shapes and cartoon meteors) was switched on. _MILLENNIUM LASER_ , it said.

“How did you even find this place?” Rey whined.

“I used to come when I was a kid!” he said, looking earnestly at her, and then puzzled down at his shoes. “I mean, you know. When I got invited to other kids’ birthday parties. Which was…you know. Not often.”

“Yes, that’s very sad, and also might clue you into the fact that this is an activity _for_ _children._ ”

“Adults too!” Finn said, defensive over the first hobby he’d tried to pick out. “I mean. I think so.”

Just then, as they had paused outside the front door to read the signage (“Parties and large events available by reservation, try our Little Heroes Package— includes ice cream cake, pizza, and arcade tokens!”) a tall figure dressed in black pushed by them from behind. “Make some room, casuals,” he said, and then swung the double doors open, pulling on both handles with a bit of flair, making them swing closed behind him as he disappeared inside.

There was a moment of silence.

“Finn, we have to get out of here right now.”

“Well,” Finn said weakly, “that was an adult.”

“That was an adult wearing sunglasses and a Matrix trench coat at _seven o_ _’clock on a Wednesday night._ We need to _leave._ ”

“You said you wanted a group hobby!”

“I also said I wanted us to halt the progression of our transformation into garbage people, not edge it on!”

“Look, they were advertising on Facebook, it’s an adult league that’s recruiting new players, so you get to try out the equipment and play a round for free. For freeeeee, Rey,” he said, singsong. She scrunched up her mouth. “There’s gonna be piiiiiizzaaaaa,” he said, still singing, dangling the prospect of free food in front of her.

She scrunched her mouth up tighter. He raised his eyebrows in response. “Or do you just want to go back home and start watching _Gotham_. You know, that show about baby Batman, with the guy from _The O.C._. Because we’ve blown through all other television that exists. _Including_ The O.C.”

“All right! All right, fine, we’ll stay for fifteen minutes. Enough to play a game and eat all their food.”

“Yes!” Finn shouted, with a fist-pump. He wasn’t that excited to shoot invisible lasers at people, but he _was_ excited to win at hobby-ing.

***

A couple different teams had tables set up. There was a mostly-girls team called “The Senators” that had set up shop by the bathrooms-- they all looked strangely similar, and had their hair done up in the same sorority-ish buns, with glitter in their parts. Rey was interested at first and dragged Finn over, until they confirmed that it was in fact made up of girls from the same sorority who wanted to keep in touch after college. The two of them took some of their sugar cookies and walked away.

There were some other groups half-heartedly recruiting. In the corner were some dudes that smelled faintly of weed and reminded Finn of the guys from his old Super Smash club, who called themselves “The Cantina” for some reason. They said they were also in a band and were looking for a drummer. “We’re kind of a modern jizz band,” they said. Finn and Rey blinked. “Jazz, you mean?” Finn asked. They shook their heads no.

A table of young kids, mostly boys, were all chipper when Rey and Finn approached, one up front saying, “Hello! We’re part of the youth league, which means we only play once a month, but on off-weeks we have Magic the Gathering meetings in Wicket’s mom’s basement, and our team has a rich invented background full of history and lore that we’ve come up with ourselves, and we’d be happy to tell you about it! It all begins on the moon of Endor—” and then Rey snatched two of their donuts from their depleted box and walked off as the kid was saying, “Oh, oh, well, okay then.”

Some other group full of burly older dudes seemed to scream, “I carry a gun at my day job so I would like to carry a fun different gun in my leisure time.” They were called “The Troopers” and did _not_ have any fun treats and Finn pulled Rey away without much protest.

But by far the two biggest tables occupied opposite sides of the lobby. Both seemed less homogeneous than the others, a mix of old and young, professional and scruffy looking types. And when they weren’t mingling amongst themselves, they were both glaring at one another.

Rey took one look at the group dressed mostly in black next to the concessions window, spotted Matrix-dude, and said, “Nope, nope, nope, besides, not enough girls, let’s go over there,” and pulled Finn towards the other large group, positioned by the entrance to the arcade. “Ooh, arcade,” Finn said.

They walked up and a super tall, super buff lady looked up from her iPad, looking bored, and said, “Hello, welcome to the Rebel Alliance, we have team practice every Thursday night, please leave your name and e-mail on our interest sheet and take a look at our regulations and fees,” before looking back down at her tablet. “Aww, c’mon, Mon, put some heart into it,” said another older lady next to her, who was shorter and plumper but also friendlier looking. She smiled up at Finn and Rey. “Hi there, I’m Leia. You can call me ma’am or The General, or just Leia, I’ve been a team leader in this league for fifteen years so I know everyone and everything. Are you two interested in a trial round?”

“Yes ma’am,” said Finn, already charmed. Rey didn’t seem so impressed yet.

“Have either of you played laser tag before?”

They both shook their heads. Finn figured one birthday party in elementary school didn’t really count.

“Well that’s super. We’ll help you get set up in some vests and we’ll show you the ropes. I really hope you choose to sign up with the Rebels, we’re the funnest team around, and we’re the best at winning, too.”

“Well that’s simply not true,” the woman, Monica, said under her breath.

“You shut up, we all know you’re playing Words With Friends,” said Leia, then she turned back to Rey and Finn with a grin. “Let’s get you suited up!”

***

The two of them were starting to have further doubts by the time the General was helping them into clunky vests with big panels of sensors. “Now, I won’t bore you with all the rules and regs, especially since they change depending on what event you’re participating in. For now we can put you guys in a 2v2 for a few minutes. You’re looking to hit in the chest—” she knocked on the plastic sensor on both of their collarbones “—or the back, since those are worth the most points. When you’re hit, your gun is frozen for 15 seconds; when your gun is hit, it’s frozen until someone on your team unfreezes it, which you do like this—” and she showed them how to knock the glowing ends of their toy guns together. “Ooooh,” said Finn, as the lights did a little synchronized flash and the guns vibrated. Rey raised her eyebrows in his direction, to which he shrugged his shoulders, with one of his big shiny grins. It was only through her many years of desensitization to the big-shinys that she was able to keep from smiling back like a dork. 

“So who are we playing against?” Finn asked.

“Well, since you’re both newbies, I thought we’d split the two of you up! And I’ll get my right-hand man over here to help out— _Dameron!_ _”_ she shouted, in a booming voice. An employee in a black t-shirt with the arena logo on it made a pained face as she walked by, saying, “Please, Leia, no shouting in the hall. You all have cell phones.”

Leia waved that away dismissively and said, “Eughh, Jyn, get the stick out of your ass.”

Meanwhile, the most beautiful man in the world with the most beautiful dog popped in from around the corner.

“You called, Madame General?” he said, walking in with a rakish grin, the end of a leash in one hand leading to a little brown and white Corgi. The man had five o’clock shadow and a jawline that could puncture the hull of the Titanic; the dog had the tiniest little legs and a little blue vest on that said “PLEASE DON’T PET ME, I’M WORKING! :)”. Rey and Finn looked at each other and widened their eyes simultaneously. Rey could practically see the little “!!!!!” over Finn’s head. She couldn’t help but agree.

“Dameron, could you set us up for a 7 minute 2v2 round? And then you can come on back and play on Finn’s team,” she said, gesturing towards him. “I’ll play with Rey. They’re two newbies interested in league play!”

“All right!” Dameron said, excited laughter in his voice. “Guys versus girls, I like it!”

Leia looked at him, face blank.

His smile dropped off his face and he coughed. “Uh. I mean. Men versus women.”

Leia blinked.

“Erm. A pure athletic endeavor! I’m pumped!” he said, quickly turning back down the hall. “C’mon, Baby,” he called, and the little Corgi trotted on after him.

As soon as he’d turned around Leia looked at Rey and gave her a wink. “Gotta keep your sergeants on their toes.” Rey grinned.

Finn gave Rey a little wave goodbye as Leia led her into the lefthand side of the arena. Within a few seconds Dameron was back, telling his dog to, “Stay, Baby,” with a raised fist, then jogging over to take Finn to the opposite side. The Corgi settled with just a little whine and laid down with her face on her paws.

The beautiful, beautiful man strapped himself into his vest, tossing his short bangs back off his face while he grinned at Finn. “Hey, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Poe! The General calls me by my last name sometimes, she’s big into that goofy military stuff.” And then he laughed. “I guess we all are.”

“Finn,” Finn replied, trying not to evoke the heart-eyes emoji that he was feeling inside. “Is my name,” he added, just a second too late. “Nice to meet you too!”

On the other side of the arena, the General was getting strapped in herself. “Now, Rey, honey,” she said, her face going serious, eyebrows dropping into a straight line as she managed to stare Rey down from her half-a-foot lower height. “If you aren’t here to crush your boyfriend and that pretty boy under your shoe like a bug, then I don’t know what you’re doing here.” Rey widened her eyes. Leia continued, “The Rebels don’t have tryouts or auditions but I _do_ like to know that any new members have what it takes.” She put one hand on her hip, and cocked her blue-lit gun with the other. “So are you ready to kick some ass?”

Back across the arena, Poe turned a friendly smile on Finn. “This is gonna be fun!”

Rey grinned wickedly. “This is gonna be fun.”

**Author's Note:**

> only a teensy bit embarrassed to admit that I have done like...a lot of planning for this AU. so I definitely have a lot of material to turn into more chapters in the future, but for right now this is a standalone!
> 
> BB-8 is supposed to be a diabetic alert/service dog! which is only something I've read about but that I think is really cool-- if you're more familiar with them let me know if I got any details off so far.


End file.
